Comfort from the other side

**Life is funny in so many ways.

** I am pretty good with talking about my Mother's death. I don't have the occasion to talk about it a lot but when it comes up I am pretty good about talking about it with out any emotion attached to her dying. But it seems every January when the tax commercials come on I just break down. But when her actual death day comes I seem okay. Funny how tax commercials make me think about her the most and with her dying on tax day, April 15th, will duh...

**It started yesterday. It was the first tax commercial that I had seen and I got a little teary. I was okay for the rest of the day and night ..... And then I walked into the kitchen and there stood my Mom making her yummy rolls, a pot of something on the stove, her white beautiful hair and bright red lipstick, her glasses lowered on her nose and she just smiled at me. And then I woke up.

**It took me a second to figure out if I were dreaming or if I were really in this reality or what but then the tears flowed when I realized it was a dream and the great comfort I felt just being in the room with her was gone. I sure miss her, damn it!

**The last time I remember her being near me or my feeling her was when I was in the hospital with having Ashton. I was all alone and having my second blood transfusion and feeling way bad because my blood pressure was so low. I had placenta previa and lost a lot of blood during my c-section. And there she was, with my grandmother and great Grandmother Nana. The three of them were just there. They were all smiling and happy and the feeling that all would be okay was so strong and then a knock on the door and they were gone. It was the nurse bringing me back to reality.

**Call me crazy but I now believe in that stuff. Perhaps both of my seeing them was coincidence or whatever you want to call it but I like to call it "a little comfort from the other side."

**Jax has a knot/lump on the back of his head. At first we thought it was a lymph node and we've been watching it but we go back to doctor tomorrow to have another look at it as it's growing bigger. I am hoping it's a fatty tumor or an infected hard knot from my shaving his head. Too early to tell but I get all whacked out about all this stuff. I'm hoping the ADHD meds aren't making him sick with cancer or something else. I have always felt extremely guilty giving him the meds because of the side effects and they just aren't great to take. None of the meds are good for him but until I can find something organic that really works he needs to have them. I can't get all worked up but I hate going through medical shit like this.... drives me crazy.

**I hope Mom can come back and visit me soon and tell me all will be okay and give me more comfort.

**Today was a fun day in home school. We are learning to tell time more extensively. Jax gets the basics but the 1/2 past gets him and I had a hard time with that. We are learning from a fun, free, website:

http://www.timemonsters.com

It's very interactive and Jax loves the monsters and the bugs. So fun. What would I do with out the internet?

We worked more on measurements and Jax has gotten that down pretty well packed. We are moving on to graphs and charting data! Right up his alley. Of course, Math and English....boring but verbs can be some what fun. Jax still refuses to write...ugh.... and we studied about how one man thinks there are no two snowflakes alike and another man believes there are rare cases of it. Very interesting. Jax has to write in a journal every day for school. So far, I have 12 pages that have his name, the date, the time and this sentence "School is stupid!". At least I know he can write some things....lol.... I love him.

Ashton is enjoying school. He loved the website on time and loves just to be with us. He also has a journal and he scribbles and draws a little of this and that. Ash knows his primary colors of red, green, orange, blue, black, white, yellow and purple. He counts to 11 now and I love to hear his little feet stomp as he usually SCREAMS the numbers as he goes up or down the stairs.

The ice is almost gone. The wind has picked up this evening and it's blustery cold out. My house is chilly even though the heat is on. It's just too cold.

I am off to bed. It's early, only 7:27 but I am tired. Am up early to get my birds to the doctor and then day care continues. If you have room for one more prayer please say one for Jax. That this won't be a big deal.

Until tomorrow........

No Snow for Raleigh

Jax waited for the snow to fall all day and much to his dismay, but, to my delight we did not get any snow. Every one around us seemed to get it but Raleigh didn't. We are supposed to get rain, sleet and ice tonight. We shall see. I'm hoping we don't wake up to a small ice storm. :(

Today was a nice quiet day.



We learned all about GEORGE WASHINGTON CARVER. Do you know who he is? Do you know what he discovered and we eat tons of it a year? PEANUT BUTTER!!!

He has such an incredible story. He went through so much in his life and he became an awesome inventor. As an agricultural chemist, Carver discovered three hundred uses for peanuts and hundreds more uses for soybeans, pecans and sweet potatoes. Among the listed items that he suggested to southern farmers to help them economically were his recipes and improvements to/for: adhesives, axle grease, bleach, buttermilk, chili sauce, fuel briquettes, ink, instant coffee, linoleum, mayonnaise, meat tenderizer, metal polish, paper, plastic, pavement, shaving cream, shoe polish, synthetic rubber, talcum powder and wood stain.
Hard to imagine white people being so mean to a man who created so much and changed history and our world so much. I loved learning today and so did the boys.

To celebrate we ate peanut butter sandwiches. Just bread and peanut butter....yum!yum!

We are learning measurements and graphs which Jax LOVES. He could spend all day measuring, recording numbers and stuff like that. To motivate him to learn all about measurements and more about Math we went across the street where we have the new homes coming in and searched through the junk wood pile so we can make these for the Squirrels.

I laughed so hard when I saw this picture and thought how FUN! it would be to have these all over the yard and we have plenty of trees. This will be a great Winter project to do and our excitement for the Spring, when the Squirrels are really out, will be all the more. Aren't these squirrels so cute?

It will be easy to make these and can we do lots of measurements and math on making these or what?